My Headspace in This Very Moment


I’m starting to feel stuck… a lot. The worst part is, I know it’s 100% my fault. I’m stuck because I keep getting in my way, I let fear freeze me in my tracks, I assume the worst message in someone’s subtle cues, I question if I can handle the path I put myself on, I wonder if a behind-the-scenes artist can embrace the vulnerability of having to put her work in the spotlight, I fret about overloading on analysis paralysis while simultaneously worrying that I’m making some decisions too quickly and rashly, and then… I keep moving forward because the consequences of stopping would only leave me with regret and I’m too far in it to go back. 

I catch myself realizing that I’m not always moving forward to the “light at the end of the tunnel” as much as I am just avoiding the non-option of quitting. It’s discipline more so than it is motivation at times. At times, it isn’t though. There are moments of excitement and short sprints towards my vision where I feel like I can hurdle over any obstacle. But then there are moments where a slight shift in the wind can give me pause and make me rethink my direction, strategy, or capabilities. 

I knew myself enough to know that this could (most likely would) happen. I knew that I needed to get far enough in where I would have to keep going almost no matter what. And I’m thankful that I had previously found misery in a somewhat decent corporate job to have the perspective to realize this new endeavor is my most promising option for now. And of course, I’m incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to be on this journey in the first place. 

This isn’t at all a complaint but just a documentation of my current  headspace. I hope to look back, read this, and feel validated in some sense that it’s okay to not always feel motivated or feel the timing is perfect. It’s just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and remembering the goal.